chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
