Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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