The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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