Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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