You don't have asthma, your pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
