They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize