Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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