If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
