the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
