Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
