dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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