when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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