you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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