We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
