dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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