It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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