I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
