Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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