Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
