I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
