we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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