Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alive.
So much puke
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
