How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
