just come out here and I will go home with you...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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