Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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