You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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