i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
