After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
