mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
