You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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