I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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