So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
