When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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