btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
