when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
