Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
