My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
