Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
