Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
