Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
