I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
