I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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