I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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