Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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