we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
