So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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