: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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