their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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