I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
