So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
