Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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