If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
