Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
