Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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