I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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