meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
