next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
