I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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