i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize