Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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