Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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