i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
