I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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