he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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