Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
