I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
