Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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