Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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