Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
