Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
