It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
