the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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