I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
