God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
