thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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