now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
