you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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