i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
