i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Randomize
