have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
