I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
