just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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