Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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