i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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