I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
