my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
