someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
