Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
