She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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