He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
