One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
