I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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