I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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