At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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