I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
