smell my finger.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
