I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
