You're completely useless in the revolution.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize