She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
